Elfin Magic by R.G. Emanuelle

After reading one of the free short stories by this author released by Dirt Road Books, I promptly read another.  By the same author I mean.  Even though I was somewhat disappointed in the first I’d read.

It’s March and I’m reading a Christmas story. Heh.

Right, so, another solo point of view story – from the point of view of an elf – or, at least, a woman who wears an elf costume at a department story during the holidays to work the register in the little hut that processes photos taken with Satan.  Yes, bring your kids to see Satan. Bah. I mean Santa, of course. Stupid fingers not type what I want (and yes, I’ve fought them to actually write all rest, they wanted to type ‘time’ instead of ‘type’ earlier, among other things . . . dangnabbit, stop removing my spaces, fingers!)

While her stomach rumbles (a reoccurring theme for this author? Hehe, I joke with myself, just noticing a reoccurring plot point in two stories read on same day), the woman plans to go on break. But wait! There’s a gorgeous woman who is next!  POV woman (and here remember people’s names would be nice, I think her ‘elf’ name was something like Jangles, and her human name was something like Maddy, but I might be wrong about both) and gorgeous woman (whose name escapes me completely) flirt.

Then, I think it’s the next day, that same woman returns.  Sans kid.  Asks if POV woman is about to have a break.

The two sneak into an out of the way area that consists of a den of bears.  Stuffed bears. Graphic depiction of sex may or may not occur, with some odd bell ringing, and almost constant mental reminders that they have a thin layer of bears (and. . . other stuff) between them and the public).

Despite not much happening in this story, it seemed a lot more complete than the other story I read by this author today. Much more satisfying; much less of a teaser.

Rating: 3.75

March 28 2018

Season's Meetings by Andi Marquette

My fourth short story read today, and second involving a Christmas theme. Odd.  Right, so, this is another of those free short stories findable on the Dirt Road Books website.

Rae is attempting to fly to California to be with sister and her kids for Christmas. But the story starts with her at the airport watching as her flight moves from delayed to cancelled.  While waiting in line at the airline desk, Rae interacts with ‘art gallery woman’, aka Erika.  They flirt.  Rae isn’t 100% certain if they are or are not actually flirting.  She does feel sparks in her intestines though (well, sparks are mentioned, I forget where they were striking her). 

Luckily for Rae, the mountain of snow fell on the airport where she lives (well, she lives in Washington DC and this is Reagan she’s at, but it’s one of the two regional airports, if you don’t include BWI, which is really close, really, so there’s like – at least, three regional airports, though I say regional but I think all of them are international. Is Dulles considered International? I don’t remember.  Ah, it is, though Reagan is considered national not international; did the story call Reagan an international airport? I don’t’ remember).

My reviews sometimes seem like I just opened my brain and dumped whatever was in there onto the screen.  They ramble, but, no, there generally is some filtering. The above was an example of the unfiltered version. 

And now I’ve forgotten what I’ve written.

Rae, while at Reagan National Airport two days before Christmas, watches as the announcement board moves her flight status from delayed to cancelled. There’s, like, a mountain of snow outside.  She informs certain people, like her sister, before moving over to the airline desk to see about what’s next.  While in line, she interacts with a woman she calls ‘art gallery woman’ because of the way she’s dressed.

Later, Rae gives Erika a ride from the airport to her, Erika’s, hotel.  And they interact/flirt more.  A spark is sparked.  A fire is fired.  A pickle is pickled. Okay, I do not know where I’m attempting to go there.

Now this one, of the four short stories I’ve read today, is the fullest most complete short story that I’ve read. Today.  Quite satisfying.  Not sexually explicit.  Except for the kissing. 

Rating: 4.44

March 28 2018

It Had to be You by Clare Lydon

It Had To Be You by Clare Lydon

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Milly and Georgia are a couple (who had meet a month before the story. In a bar).

Jane is Milly's mother and, shockingly, the same age as Georgia (or should I have worded that the other way around, shockingly Georgia is the same age as Jane, her girlfriend's mother). Rachel is Jane's friend.

Milly has invited her girlfriend to her mother's Christmas gathering. Georgia is, naturally, unsettled by the idea but is, as she says in her own words, pussy-whipped by Milly. She figures, Georgia that is, that Milly's mother will see her as a cradle robber from hell (or however that was worded), since - as I've mentioned several times - Georgia is the same age as Jane (actually it was the part wherein Georgia was much older than Milly; it just happened that Georgia's age and Jane's age corresponded in the way it did).

Prior to the party Milly has 'laid the groundwork' so that her mother 'knows' that Milly is going with someone older than herself. Jane is under the impression, though, that this means Georgia would be around 35 (ten years older than Milly's 23 or 25 (note: mother Jane and Rachel had talked, they guessed Milly's girlfriend is/was ten years older, and so 35; when Georgia is on the way to Jane's house, Georgia thinks of Milly as being 23 - I am confused by this 23/25 age thingie). When, in reality, she's closer to 65 (heh, Jane is actually 54, and Georgia is also 54 as well; of note: Jane's friend Rachel mentions that Jane could go with a 35 year old, which horrify's Jane who responds with 'I'm 54 in case you'd forgotten', so obviously she's going to be super happy her 23 year old daughter is going with someone who is 54. heh).

Also present at this party will be 'Joanna and her partner' (boyfriend). Joanna is a daughter of Jane's.

Not present at the party will be Paul, Jane's dead husband, who died 3 years ago.

Story from more than one point of view, and includes Jane (the mother of Milly), and Georgia.

One issue rears it's head immediately, though it was one I didn't expect (though maybe I should have). Has something to do . . . well, I can't even say that much. 'With something'. hehe. Even a hint would be too spoiler-y. Though I'm not sure I can say much more about this story since this is kind of a 'game-changer' kind of thing. I mean, it's one thing if your daughter dates someone your own age. It's something else entirely if, well, again, I can't say. (view spoiler)[I put myself into a trap there, I could have just said, and I only thought of it after the fact, 'another thing entirely if you, as in Jane, previously knew the woman before she became your daughter's girlfriend.'(view spoiler)[There's more to that story (hide spoiler)] (hide spoiler)]

Hmm. There's a shelf I wish to put this story on, but can't. Because - spoiler-y. Hmms.

A solid story - deeper and with more impact than I expected. Has some humor. Some angst/drama.

November 27 2016



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Mistletoe by Lyn Gardner

Mistletoe by Lyn Gardner

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This is another of those occasions when, late at night, I decided to see what I'd read the next day. And accidentally read an entire story. Namely this one here.

When Diana was four she 'wrote' a letter to Santa via her aunt. She asked for a soul-mate, she wanted what her parents (now dead) had had. Naturally . . . . well 1) Santa's real and he grants children's wishes (just 1 per child if I read right), though only those wishes of children, not adults; 2) it's 30 years after Diana had written that letter, and that wish has still not been granted (it got lost in the lining of a bag), though now that Santa and company know about this wish, they decide to try to do something about it.

Santa and 'Him' come to an agreement, since Santa isn't really supposed to be helping/granting wishes of adults. Santa has learned that Diana will be, or is supposed to be attending three Christmas parties, and so Santa is going to send an elf with magical mistletoe to be used at each party. The mistletoe will give a nudge, not create something that isn't there.

Diana is an unemployed former prison officer (she had been a prison teacher, but that position got removed so she moved over to prison officer, but learned she didn't really like being a guard). She is going to these three parties because her friend, who I believe is named Gloria, needs to go to these parties - is required to go to them. They are three company parties for the three different divisions at the law-firm she works at.

Division 1 and party one is lead by an asshole of a man, and let me stress that again - he is a really huge asshole. His division handles criminal matters, so his party, filled as it is by clients, is filled with 'criminals' and their barely clothed, surgically altered, and probably ex-prostitute 'girlfriends'. Also present at the party are the law firm employees, including the heads of the other two divisions, and that ‘plus one’ – Diana.

Diana enters and is immediately annoyed that she agreed to go. Based on seeing the party guests and being sexually molested by Thad Falgen’s eyeballs (I don’t actually remember the asshole’s name, but ‘Thad Falgen’ works for me). Thad is quite taken with Diana and begins to make some moves. Showing that it is clearly power and money that would cause him to ever get laid. Diana’s not interested, and not because she’s a lesbian (as far as she knows, she’s straight – yeah, I’d forgotten this was that type of story).

Recall, if you will, that there’s this elf that is supposed to be flinging mistletoes at people (okay, hanging one up). Well he arrives and is very tiny, invisible, and partakes of the food and drink. While waiting for his moment. For some odd reason he thinks that Diana’s ‘soul mate’ might be ‘Thad’ so he sets things up. Thad, super drunk, won’t let Diana leave when she wants to do so, so Diana is saved by one of the other law firm division heads – Jamison – the individual who Diana had actually spent some interesting time with talking to at the party. Saves with a kiss in a ‘now she’s been kissed, get out of the way’ way.

Jamison meant for a three second thing, at most, but there ended up being more than 3 seconds. And Jamison doesn’t know how Diana felt about the issue, because Diana immediately left after the kiss.

Division 2 and party 2 are hosted by ‘Lillian Willbourgh’ (again, I’m not actually sure about the name). ‘Lillian’ handles divorces, and only ever takes the side of the men. Also she is a very huge and very forceful bigot and homophobic individual. She also really really loves Christmas decorations and her party looks look . . . well, . hmm. Like 18 Christmas stores were raided for all products, and dumped inside her place. Also there’s like 800 tons of potpourri stinking up the place. Which causes massive issues to Jamison, but both Jamison and Diana had been looking forward to seeing each other again, so Jamison stuck it out.

And so. Two people circling each other. Spending but moments together. And one having to deal with the idea that they might actually be a lesbian, despite not previously realizing that possibility, and both dealing with massive waves of lust/love for the other based on like 4 minutes of being near each other.

Massaging the ending, and cutting most of the epilogue would make this a great perfect story. The epilogue was way too heavy-handed and sappy, though. (view spoiler)[firstly – party three ended with the two woman fucking; epilogue opens moments later to find . . . much time has passed, but the first scene has them fucking again; secondly – there was way too much sappy speechifying about just how totally awesome, the best people ever, going on about Diana and Jamison. Thirdly, what-the-fuck? (view spoiler)[Naming your son Jamison? That’s . . .. Sure, Jamison, the woman/mother, goes by Jamie most of the time, but still. (hide spoiler)] (hide spoiler)]

Second time I’ve read this story.

Rating: 4.65

December 19 2016



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Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas: A Diz and Clarissa Story by Ann McMan

Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas: A Diz and Clarissa Story by Ann McMan

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


The fourth in this series of short stories involving Diz and Clarisaa, and the only only not in that 'Tales of Diz and Clarissa' otherwise known as Three.

As expected, the story takes place in Baltimore right around Christmas and the Rachel Maddow look alike Diz has gotten herself in trouble yet again. Because Marty, her friend, has gotten himself very ill and so Diz has to watch his three kids and super large dog. Which also includes a trip to the mall to see Santa on Christmas Eve. Which shouldn't take more than, say, 4 hours.

- Diz or Rachel Maddow?

The 'Clarissa is always pissed at Diz and her accidental troubles' continued. Though with a hint of amusement on Clarissa's part. Plus Clarissa actually got 'into the action' this time (and was the cause for some of Diz's troubles).

Good enough continuation of the series.

November 20 2016



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Three by Ann McMann

Three by Ann McMan

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Contains three of the four Diz and Clarissa short stories.

Nevermore
Two coworkers work in the same basement area. One is named Diz, the other Clarissa. One's destined to not rise much above her current position, the other is headed to the moon (or something like that). One looks like Rachel Maddow while the other has red hair . . . and is gorgeous.

They bicker a lot.

One, the rich one, Clarissa, invites the other, Diz, to spend time with her at the Christmas party - since Dash, the boyfriend of Clarissa, will be late. And so they do - spend time together there. Diz getting steadily drunker, Clarissa nursing 1 glass of wine.

Lovely little short story. Abrupt ending.

Rating: 4.25

November 17 2016

A Christmas Tree Grows in Baltimore
It's a year later and Clarissa, as the first story promised, is rapidly moving up the company ladder, while Diz is still in her old position. Though with a new office mate.

Most of this story does not take place with both Clarissa and Diz in it.

This one had humor and it made me tear up (and, just like the first story, there was vomiting).

Rating: 4.62

November 17 2016

Blended Families
Family, Holiday, Christmas

This is the story that I probably shouldn't have read immediately. There's only so much 'one partner blaming (largely incorrectly) the other for every mistake known to man; while the other partner just takes it like a doormat that feels lucky' before I explode. So I ended up pausing this specific story before continuing.

Once I continued it the story turned out okay - good even.

The two main characters are once again about to enjoy Christmas (every story, including the fourth not in this collection, are set during Christmas time in Baltimore). The difference this time is that both live together, and they are going to have a 'blended families' Christmas party - both of their families. The ultra-rich, and the less than ultra-rich. Diz, naturally, is ashamed of her family (for whatever reason - a lot of her problems are built on her feeling ashamed of herself or of her family).

As normal - stuff occurs out of Diz's control that end up involving the police, damage, and her partner - Clarissa, being ultra pissed at her (while also fighting back laughter).

Rating: 3.9

November 19 2016

Overall
Nevermore: 4.25
A Christmas Tree Grows in Baltimore: 4.62
Blended Families: 3.9

Overall: 4.257

November 20 2016



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Gingerbread Hearts edited by Judy Underwood

Gingerbread Hearts
edited by Judy Underwood
Pages: 108
Date: November 2012
Publisher: Ylva Publishing
Series: None

Review
Rating: Overall: 4.025
Read: November 3 to 4 2016

Holiday Outing by Alison Grey
Coming Out, Family, Slice of Life, no romance

A woman of 25 has known for a while that she's a lesbian, has even had two girlfriends by this point, but has yet to come out to her family. Her sister talks her into doing so.

Certain amount of humor. Certain amount of . . . timing.

Rating: 3.5

November 3 2016

It’s in the Pudding by Emma Weimann
Family, Dentist, 'Romance'

A woman hasn't had a relationship in 2 years. She thinks she might want one now. It's Christmas time and it's traditional that the person who finds the almond in the almond pudding can make a wish and 'it will come true'. So, the woman wants that almond. There's this wish she's going to make (involving finding someone for herself). She finds the almond. And breaks her tooth on the almond. And so has to go to the dentist on Christmas day (or is it the day before? I forget now).

Rating: 4.12

November 3 2016

Devgo by Corinna Behrens
Dog, Scrooge, bisexual, no romance

Businesswoman tosses and turns in her bed Christmas Eve. Bells ring that it's midnight. Brightness fills room. Businesswoman blinks. Looks over, sees mini devil on her window sill. *reader thinks to self: ah yes, so this is a Scrooge story*

hehe. Woman barks questions at the tiny devil. Devil just blink at her lazily. Woman becomes annoyed by the non-response. heh.

Ah, the title of the story corresponds to the mini-devil's name (*reader in thought: new thought, not scrooge retelling*).

This is confusing. The woman is acting like it's just normal to have a tiny devil appear. And to yell at it. Then be confused when it doesn't make an appointment instead of just show up. Yes, confused is right word. Confusing.

Okay, so - Devgo works for both God and the Devil when they don't know where to send someone. Of everything I read so far, that's the most confusing part. No, not what you might think - the part where they wouldn't know where to send this specific person. Everything points towards a specific direction. Nothing seems to point the other way. So, what's the confusion for God and the devil? hmms. oooh! heh. Of course. Shesh, I should stop with rambling during stories. Of course, when I do that, my reviews end up being like two words long. Which is probably better, but still. Right, so here the 'confusion' is the part wherein neither God nor the Devil want this woman to be joining them. Ah. heh. Another theme I've heard before.

And . . . the reoccurring problem with this collection of stories continues. These stories are just way too short. They are just snippets for the most part. Not full short stories. Ah well.

Rating: 3.43

November 3 2016

A Magical Christmas by RJ Nolan
Family, kids, multiple parents, bisexual, dog, romance, Annoying ex(es)

A woman with kids learns that her ex-husband has, once again, bailed on taking the kids for a weekend. And so her plans with her lover have been ruined.

Story from the point of view of both Kris, and Erin (Erin being the 'a woman' above).

It's funny, in its way, but the fact that every story before this one in the collection had nothing even approaching 'erotica' makes the bits here annoying. This is the fourth story and now people are going to start fondling each other and stuff? mmphs. Yeah, I'm actually kind of annoyed. I know I already said that but . . . something.

heh. So, a departure from the earlier stories - a bit of eroticism (very very tiny bit, more visible due to the complete lack in the earlier stories than for any other reason), and a fuller story than the others. Less of 'just a snippet'.

Rating: 3.7

The Christmas Grump by Jae
Security guard - mall, kid

Hmm. Story starting out with a vague feeling of 'I've been here before' (story-wise).

And . . . yes, I've read this before. At least I think I have. Darn. This is at least the second time I've excitedly started in on a Jae story . . . only to realize that I'd already read it - last time it was, I think 'Morning After' which I had read when I read the book 'Depature from the Script' (if I have the titles right). Here the title of the story is the same. Just two different short story collections. This one and 'Love Beneath the Christmas Tree.' And looking at that collection - the next Jae story is also in that collection. So, it's as if there are no Jae stories in this collection - no new ones. I feel annoyed by that fact. I'd be even more annoyed if I hadn't gotten this collection here for free (just like I had gotten that 'Morning After' short story for free as well).

Well, guess I'll have a reread or two then. I mean, it has been 2 years since I read that other collection.

So, since I didn't write anything for that other collection -

This story stars Rachel, a security guard at a mall at Christmas time. She's grumpy because of all the arrests she's been having to make. While she's running around attending to 'incidents' she keeps spotting a specific boy all by himself in a toy store in the exact same spot, day after day. Near lego toys. Starring at them. If this was a story in one of the other collections I read recently, I'd know instantly what was going on (that or if I hadn't read this before) - ghost! But no, this is a Christmas collection, not one of my Halloween collections.

mmphs. How annoying. Apparently I got something in both of my eyes at the same time. They are both wet and stuff. No idea how that could have happened.

Rating: 4.8

Kissing Ms. Santa Claus by Jae
Family, kid

Ah, now I know why both stories are in both collections (as opposed to just one) - the two stories are connected. Rachel and Lilian (who I didn't even mention - mother of that boy who was looking at legos - Tyler) reappear in this story here. A year after the earlier story. And Christmas again.

Rating: 4.6

Overall
Holiday Outing by Alison Grey - 3.5
It’s in the Pudding by Emma Weimann - 4.12
Devgo by Corinna Behrens - 3.43
A Magical Christmas by RJ Nolan - 3.7
The Christmas Grump by Jae - 4.8
Kissing Ms. Santa Claus by Jae - 4.6

Total overall rating: 4.025

Ticket 1207 by Robin Alexander

Ticket 1207
by Robin Alexander
Pages: 84
Date: December 23 2014
Publisher: Intalgio Publications
Series: None

Review
Rating: 4.75
Read: October 24 2016

There are certain things that come with an Alexander book, not always, but a lot of the time.

1) Quirky characters that border on being super irritating/great characters;
2) A story that takes place in Louisiana (I believe all but one that I have read took place in Louisiana, and that other one took place in Mississippi – ‘Gift of Time’ (though a few include other places in addition to time in Louisiana, like ‘Dear Me’ has some time in Florida, and ‘Just Jorie’ has a brief moment or two in New York));
3) Wacky older people – mostly grandmas (not always);
4) Wacky side characters (not always);
5) Humor;
6) The main characters tend to be older than somewhat the norm with Lesbian Romances, tending to be in their 30s or 40s;
7) For a while there I thought vomiting was one – but then I found out that it was just the luck of the draw – the first books I had read by Alexander all had that in there (like ‘Just Jorie’, but that it isn’t actually a trait common with Alexander books I was happy to eventually find out).

Here we have quirky characters, a story that takes place in Louisiana (New Orleans), wacky side characters (Theo); humor; no vomiting (that I recall).

Shawn Masterson is two things – super good looking (of which she is somewhat aware), and super shy. So shy that the book opens after about a year of Shawn dropping by a specific jewelry store. Giving up various items to be repaired (which include breaking them first so that she could drop them off). Because she fancies one of the women in there – Jill Searcy (the other main character and other POV), but cannot get up the nerve to ask her out. Shawn is a botanist. (just as I add in someone else in Jill’s paragraph, I’m back to add in Shawn’s best friend – straight Vera (at least I believe I recall that being her name – trouble with being 55% into the next book before I write anything down for the book I’d already completed).

Jill Searcy is also two things – competent and good at her job, and lonely – after getting her heart twisted and torn up. Jill owns and runs a jewelry store with her cousin Rene. Rene is the acknowledged ‘better’ version – acknowledged at least by her own family (by her I mean both Rene and Jill’s families). Just all around better. To the point that they blamed Jill when Rene came out as lesbian around the same time Jill did. (Not because of any kind of kissing cousins thing, but because they ‘expect’ certain things, and tom-boy Jill is expected to be lesbian (well, less expected to be lesbian than expected to be the one if one of the two became one), Rene – whose two hobbies growing up were playing dress up and playing with make-up, was expected to be straight – so they blamed Jill when Rene turned out to not be straight).

Theo Brasseaux is the owner of Theo Brasseaux’s Shop of Voodoo. And I’ll note immediately – no, she’s not either the third person in a three way relationship, or a third angle on a love triangle. She’s just the owner of the shop across the street. Who has a major impact on the story (depending). Theo’s the wacky side character. She is also the one that I, as seems somewhat common with Alexander books, rather disliked in the beginning, before having her grow on me. Somewhat. By the end of the book I was up to the level of ‘meh, I’m okay with her existing’.

Right, so, story – both Shawn and Jill fancy each other but Shawn’s super shy and, apparently, Jill isn’t the type to ask someone out – at least not when they look super hot like Shawn (she has some confidence issues of her own, what with growing up being compared, and being found the lesser, with Rene). Theo gets into the mix because a) right when Shawn finally got up the nerve to ask Jill out, Theo storms into Jill’s store and demands immediate work done by Jill on something Theo has that is broken; b) Theo offers, separately, advice and ‘help’ to jump start ‘something’ between Shawn and Jill.

It’s a great little mini-story, set during the holidays. Great Christmas-in-New-Orleans vibe and theme. As opposed to the current Alexander book I’m reading which has a strong Halloween-in-Baton-Rouge vibe going on (and no, Holiday’s in and of itself isn’t another thing to add to the ‘things Alexander is known for’).

I wasn’t sure where I’d end up when I started the story – I liked it, then Theo appeared and I started to dislike it, then humor exploded, and stuff happened, and in the end I rather loved the story. Good solid lovable story.

October 24 2016

All I Want for Christmas by Clare Lydon

All I Want for Christmas
by Clare Lydon
Pages: 258
Date: October 27 2015
Publisher: Custard Books
Series: All I Want (1)

Review
Rating: 2.25
Read: September 23 2016

I'm rating this book far off the current average, so it's fair enough to ask 'why'. So I better put something in this review box, eh?

Simple enough reason - and one of the main risks of writing things from only one perspective. In the 'I did this, then I did that' way, deep into this person's thoughts we went. And that simple reason is this: I just plainly did not like Tori, the main character. The others were just side characters during her journey through this book. It is true that it would be accurate to say that there were at least four important characters in this book, but only one has enough 'there' for a reader to get a good idea of who they might be. And, unfortunately, as already noted - I didn't like them.

Those four important characters are: Tori the narrator (27 year old who, because of the actions of a woman who was Tori's last important girlfriend (though not most recent ex), prompts Tori to go down the path this book follows - more later); Holly (27 year old roommate and long time friend of Tori's - to a certain extent a reader, as in me, learned mostly that she's super tall, otherwise I didn't learn much about her in this book); Melanie (the ex who is getting married); and finally Nicola (the woman who Tori kind of thinks of as being her true love - a former BFF (best friend forever) who 'went missing' from Tori's life when they share a kiss at the tender age of 16).

Which leads us to the plot. Picture it, November 25th - a woman learns that one of her ex's is engaged to be married. She, Tori, is currently single. Tori decides that she is going to change this situation - no not go after Melanie, no, she's going to change her single status. She's going to get a girlfriend by Christmas. A tall order considering she has no current prospects. So she goes on a bunch of on-line dating experiences (not sure if it is a positive or negative that none of the dates turned out to be stereotypically bad (or good), nor, for that matter, funny). So that's the plot. Get a girlfriend by Christmas.

This is the book that has lead me to take a break from romances. Because I'm tired of the lead up. That's what most romances are, a long ass lead up to a coupling then poof, let's read another long ass lead up. Which is somewhat ironic since that is why I read this book here, no not for the long ass thing, but because this is the first in a series that involves the same couple. So I'd finally get what I wanted - more time with the same couple after they become a couple. Problem being that I don't want to spend any more time with Tori. I've already spent too much time with her.

One last thought before I go - I might have to stop reading British books. I'm not sure if the things that kept pulling me out of this story were British English things, or just errors. It annoyed the hell out of me that the people in the book kept 'sat' instead of 'sitting'. mmphs.

We were sat on our bench at the top of our hill, looking up at the charcoal sky

- I would have written that as 'we were sitting on our bench . . . '. I'm the person who is wrong here, right? Well, regardless, that sat thing happened 96 times in this book - well no, the word appears 96 times, but then I actually read the omnibus version that also has books 2 and 3, so some of those sats might be in those books.

Holly was sat at her usual table with a few of her workmates when I walked in.

- Again I'm wrong to be annoyed by this, right? Well I'd have written that as 'Holly was sitting at her usual table . . .', but maybe that's wrong in all versions of English. Maybe 'was sat' is perfectly acceptable in American English and every other English out there. *shrugs*

I sat down on the sofa, but couldn't shake the nagging feeling that was sat right beside me.

- and I do not even know what that means. The second sat. What the bloody hell is going on here? A feeling sat beside her? Is that it? Oh. Right. Sorry, that's it. A feeling was sitting with her. A nagging feeling. Right. 'was sat'. Was . . . bloody sat. WAS SAT. AAARRGGGH

By the way, I'm sure the answer that will come back, if anyone does 'answer' my annoyance, would be 'well, that's dialect. The author was writing in dialect, and that's just how Tori would speak.' Fair enough. Bloody drove me mad, but fair enough.

She shifted across the sofa so she was sat next to me to emphasise her point.

- course it wasn't actually used in conversation but in the thoughts. Or something like that. I think these are supposed to be Tori's thoughts.

Forty minutes later, we were sat on a Tube, clutching cups of hot coffee, eyes wide open.

- That's horrible. Get on the train. And someone sits on you. They should have knocked them off. Whoever it was who sat on them. 'We were sat on'. Who sat on you? Was it the coffee. Did the coffee sit on them?

Sorry, I'm just being stupid and petty. I just . . . kind of hate Tori. So . . . I'm being stupid and petty.

Selfish full of herself Tori. Ah well. I have the omnibus so I'll probably read at least the second book in the story. Though I'd not otherwise.

Oh, and the whole Nicola thing was annoying.

September 24 2016

Twist of the Magi by Caren J. Werlinger

Twist of the Magi
by Caren J. Werlinger
Pages: 38
Date: November 5 2014
Publisher: Ylva Publishing
Series: None

Review
Rating: 3.5 out of 5.0
Read: May 16 2016

Nice enough story, I suppose. I didn't particularly like how passive Penny seemed, and how her affections so easily bounced around. Quite shallow, until she's basically slapped in the face by reality.

Probably a story I'd give around 3.5 stars to. Possibly 3.7.

May 16 2016

A Fashionably Dead Christmas by Robyn Peterman

A Fashionably Dead Christmas
by Robyn Peterman
Pages: 128
Date: December 15 2016
Publisher: Self
Series: Hot Damned (5th in series)

Review
Rating: 2.0 out of 5.0
Read: March 22 2016

I like holiday stories, I like Christmas stories, I seem to have an odd attraction to reading holiday family stories, and I like humor. There are series and authors in which my favorite thing in the series, or by the author, happen to be holiday stories.

This was an annoying, disagreeable mess.

And please, for the love of everything and anything, stop fucking going on and on about the super old vampires whose bodies keep accidentally falling out of their outfits. It wasn't exactly that interesting the first time (or 10 or 20 times) this little bit of 'humor' popped up. But it was bearable. But . . . do we really need the same humor beaten to death, mounted on the wall, taken down, unmounted, beaten some more, then mounted to the wall again?

Also, what the fuck are 'baby Jesus' figurines? The next is unrelated, specifically, to this story, but since I'm on 'baby Jesus' anyway - why the fuck do so many fucking people seem to prefer asking help from/praying to/worshiping baby Jesus as opposed to, oh, I don't know, non-baby Jesus? They just not want some 30-something dude's help? Prefer the help of a baby? For fuck sake.

March 22 2016

Give Me A Reason by Lyn Gardner

Give Me A Reason by Lyn Gardner
Pages: 662
Date: October 25 2013
Publisher: Self
Series: N/A

Awards:
**Winner of the 2015 National Indie Excellence Awards in LGBT Fiction**
**Finalist in the 2015 International Book Awards for Fiction: Gay & Lesbian**
**Winner of the Silver Medal in the 2014 Global Ebook Awards in Gay / Lesbian / LGBT Fiction**
**Winner of the Silver Medal in the 2014 eLit Book Awards – Illuminating Digital Publishing Excellence in Gay / Lesbian Fiction**

Review
Rating: 5.50 out of 5.50
Read: February 12 to 14 2016

By the time I got to this book, there were a large-ish number of reviews, and all but 24 people 'liked' the book (or 4% of the readers; I'm going with how GoodReads takes everyone that rates a book 3,4,5 and calls them 'like' for % purposes). And so, I'll just tackle a few things here and there.

1) I loved how fully formed the characters were. I'm sure there were things here or there that could be pointed at, probably some of the side characters, but there's even more fully formed side characters going on in this book than is normal in a romance.

2) And we come to the main thing I wanted to mention - the . . .genre of romance novels, I guess I could label the 'thing'. Romance novels, with exceptions, seem to be relatively repetitive in at least one way - they might not all get there the same way, they might have a million and one variations, but they tend to follow a certain path. Two people (occasionally more, but I do not tend to read love triangle books, and rarely poly books) circle each other for most of the book, and even if they 'come together' as a couple fairly early on in the book, that doesn't remove the book from the repetitive cycle. It just means that the couple will probably either have outside forces pound on the relationship (a danger/damsel in distress type situation), or internal forces pound on the relationship (fear, miscommunication, cheating, etc.). And then, as long as the book is actually in the capital R Romance category, then the book ends with a HEA (Happily Ever After) or HFN (hmm, I have the second one wrong, but whatever the letters are, they mean 'Happy for now'). Some include a chapter or two in an epilogue section that follows the couple as a couple. As a fully formed entity. Some don't have that epilogue.

Romance novels tend to get around this relatively repetitive trap of having the majority of the book being about the formation of a couple-hood instead of being about a couple as a combined entity through two to three means - (A) create a series wherein the couple in book 1 can show up as a fully formed entity in book 2 but are not the main characters (see such series like Soho Loft, that Shifter Universe by Jae, the two series by Lynn Galli (Virginia Clan and Aspen Friends) etc.), (B) have a book that's really really long, like, say, this book here. (C) is something like a trick - have romance elements but put the book in a different genre - which the fanfiction by Fletcher DeLancey involving Star Trek Voyager mostly is - Science Fiction with very strong elements of Romance. Or be like two of Galli's books - follow the same couple, but add an element, the second book changes the normal emotional 'things' that wrap themselves around a couple and slam against them, and wrap themselves, instead, around family - so it's a two book series involving a Romance, and something else (Slice of Life?).

I thought, while reading, that the book could have had a great closing roughly around the 56% mark. And when I feared, as I occasionally fear, how this specific author was going to 'mess with' the couple, I kind of wanted it to end there. I'm really really glad that the book did not, in fact, end there, though. But if it had, then it would have been two things - longer than the average romance novel (being, as it is, that 56% of the book would be 371 pages, and most Romance books from 'official channels' in the lesbian genre tend to be closer to 240 to 300 something); and, the second thing, roughly in line with that repetitive thing I mentioned above that Romance books fall into. However they get there, the books are about the formation of a couple, not about a couple living their life after formation of their relationship. Well, this 'formation' didn't end at 56%, but there was enough there for it to close, then have some epilogue tacked on the end. Then spin the second book out as a sequel. I'm, roughly, 100% happy that that isn't the direction this author went.

As I think I mentioned somewhere along the way - this is a fully formed book. A mixture of a Slice of Life book, with a Romance, with a Family novel all rolled into one (with the addition of a 'Holiday' novel slipped inside as well). It even had the element of danger/damsel in distress/etc. mixed in. And no I'm not only talking about flashbacks for that/this point.

Hmms. I just realized that I finished this book in the early morning hours of the 14th. It's one of those books I figured I'd read a little then close it for sleep, glanced at the clock and saw it was 1 am, glanced again when I realized I'd finished the book and noticed it was 3:30 am. *shrug* Back to the 14th - it's a rather good book to read/finish up on/begin the day with on Valentine's Day.

ETA: Oh, right, forgot two elements that I reminded myself of when I glanced at my status updates. This book includes a love scene, and yes I call it love instead of sex, that is arguably the best I've read. And I forgot when I was mentioning things that this book contains - it also contains humor. Bits and pieces here and there.

From my status updates:
- Now that, friends and whatevers, is how you write a love scene. A+ and words like that.

- 'Smiling at her accomplishment, Toni looked over at Laura. “I recommend we don’t open this until Scotland or the bloody thing will projectile vomit all over the motorway.”' - re: filling trunk with luggage. Was funny. I laughed.

February 14 2016