Sin in the City of Angels: A Noir Choose Your Own Erotic Story by Callista J. HawkesMy rating: 4 of 5 stars
As might be expected for a erotic noir private eye book set in the 1940s, the 'you' of the story is: a) a private detective; b) male.
Stop me if you've heard this before: A 'classy broad' walks a private dicks office. He's half-way to drunk. She's disdainful of her surroundings, richly dressed, and flashing more skin than you'd expect. She bluntly states that she believes her husband is plotting to murder her. The dick is skeptical, but is willing to hear her out (she does look rich, and he is a seedy private eye).
Classic opening, eye? Well, that's how the story opens. The opening can then go one of two ways (and I'm not talking about a choose your adventure book, I mean this type of plot): detective hired to find evidence of the husband trying to murder the wife; detective hired to act as a body guard; or the third way - detective either hired or lured into 'taking out' the husband before he can 'get' the wife (less often a private eye story line, the third, than a 'random stranger' or 'boyfriend/neighbor-on-the-side' story line). Nothing new yet, nor any decisions to be made.
heh. First decision is 'Take the case or turn the case down'. Sooo . . I know! I'll turn the case down! *clicks* She begs. I'm offered a choice again. I'm mean! I turn her down again! And . . . . 'The End', of course. hehe. Shesh, and this is the first decision point? Obviously 'turn it down' leads to 'the end'.
*goes back to begging, 'takes the case' then snorts at what "I" say when I take it*
"I'm a sucker for a nice pair of legs."
Strangely the comment doesn't lead to the woman to hurriedly strip off her dress and leap across the desk. So, it's going to be harder work, eh?
Hmm. So "my" first name is "Sam". Gee, where'd I hear a private dick with the first name of Sam before? Or, for that matter, a private eye with the last name of "Marlowe". So . . . I'm Sam Marlowe, eh? Sam 'Philip' Marlowe 'Spade'.
(one of my confusions, going in, is why this is set in the 1940s instead of the 1930s or 1920s. Shouldn't a 'real man' like this Marlowe dude be in the army? (or other military branch), there is a war on afterall)
Ah, my second decision point (well, after restarting) - fuck my assistant or tell her to do what I asked and go investigate the public records. Naturally I . . ..
hmm, admittedly having the 'classy broad' return 'during the act' and having to push th assistant beneath your desk and then finding her continue her actions while the client talked is both cliche and interesting.
Not sure it matters but: client is 26; assistant is early-ish twenties. Sam Spade, I mean Philip . . . Sam Marlowe is ... older.
'put to use the undercover training you'd learned working for the OSS during the war.' Oh, post war then. I saw '1940s' and got the wrong impression then.
Hmm, after making my private dick be mean and refuse the case, I'm now making him super horny. And kinda a bad detective. hehe. But but . . . women! (I was going to say attractive women, but the next one up Sam makes a point of noting is 'plain').
Super super horny. Ooh! See! I'm gathering clues as I . . . act super horny. I got clues I did! *humps woman, notices stuff* I not bad detective!
"So big."
"I bet you say that to all the guys."
Slap. Caress of dick's dick.
Wait, no, the only part from the book is "So big." Then 'Magnificient".
Of all the sex acts in all the book, the one with the client is kind of . . . boring, frankly. *boredly reads; sees has to make decision about what sex act to perform next. Pulls out gun. Removes all but one bullet. Spins gun. Remembers don't have that gun. or a gun. Flips coin and presses "slip inside her" (too bad 'drink whiskey and get the fuck out of there already' isn't an option).
Dames. Compliement your big magnificient dick and make you use it. mmphs.
And . . . wha? See, problem with choose your own adventure stories - the parts don't always align right. Ah well. I mean, yeah, I'm about to 'slip into her', but . . . the wording implies something else had occurred prior. Which didn't occur. Because I went a different path. Having me direct the sex action certainly is a spin on 'you choose' book.
Most books seem to be:
A) you stab the man in the butt;
B) you shot him in the head;
C) you drink your flask.
results:
A) He was a vampire. You're dead now.
B) Good job! How'd you know he was a zombie?
C) Instead of your anticipated whiskey, you drink pure undiluted holy water. The man attempts to bite you. Explodes.
Instead, here in this book, I get:
A) tell her to put it in her mouth;
B) bend her over.
And then:
A) sixty-nine her or
B) stick it in her.
hmms. There seems to be more description about the man, the 'you' , than the women. All this talk about big magnificient thick dicks. Bulging and stuff. Less about the mousy plain women. Odd, that.
Oh god, stop that already. I get it already. You are stroking the man's ego by talking about how super huge his dick is. "You're so much bigger than my husband. I've felt so full!" - gah. I get it already. Stop with all the massive cock talk already. I fear I've overused the word 'already".
Okay, now the book is just fucking with me. NOw my decision is to come in her or, OR, come on her breasts. I'm so aroused, so exited, this book, ooh ooh. gah. I think I'm going to fall asleep.
I have a suspicion this might be more exciting for a man to read. Well, maybe depending on the paths chosen. Then again, even so, it is still a man who is 'you' so . . . ..
Shesh, private dick-me is such a smirking smug prick. gah.
Yes . . . of course the woman enjoyed you erupting onto her breasts. I fear that deciding to make my detective horny . . . I've rapidly grown tired of him. I should have continued the 'must solve case' trejectory I had initially gone down. pfft. When the bloody hell is this particular scene going to be over so I can redirect things back to the mystery?
Oh for fuck sake - yes, after fucking the man's wife, why don't you drop her off at her house gate? Nothing at all strange or odd about some strange man dropping off the wife like that. None. NONE!
heh. I can tell it's after midnight. I've gone batty.
---
Well, first man visited in this book. Wonder if there's some way I can turn it erotic, eh? heh. Then there'd be no one I'd be sexually interested in! Yay!
Hmm. Well, that . . .. hmm.
--
Good grief. I think the book just had me have my *counts* 12th whiskey. shesh.
---
And now, without me able to make any decisions one way or another (shesh, before I was directing the sex, now I can't go anywhere but here, watching . . . I feel slimy and ill - yeah, now "I'm" a slimy fake talent agent about to take advantage of a woman. eek).
Gah. Why did I have a choice for every bloody woman before now? Now that I've finally grown weary of all this horny detective stuff, I can't dodge a woman. When I finally get choices again, it's how to fuck her. shesh. And the choices! FUck her feet, fuck her ass, or have her stroke you while licking your ass. I'm . . I'm fuck me, why am I reading this again? That's right, got tired of dying every choice I made in that zombie book. So . . . let's read a noir erotica! I probably won't die there! Except from all the gross sex (well, and yes, gross. I have no choice here I"m comfortable with. NO FEET SEX! . . . NO RIMMING! . . . . NO ANAL PLAY . . and I'm left with . . . no fucking thing. oh, if I turned the page I could have avoided all this. Though still sex, though it's 'traditional'). Yay?
hehehe - so, 'traditional' I hope you aren't too straight laced to enjoy a blowjob? Sister, you know nothing, nothing! Why, what I've done today . . .. But no, fuck that, no blowjob from you! I don't know where your mouth has been! So . . I'll . . um . . slip it inside you. *Nods*.
Bloody hell. Now "I" am all about how big my dick is. shesh. for fuck sake.
At least I get to read the response, is good response. *nods*
"Uh huh, you've ruined me for al other men," she replied dryly.
And quickly, that mood, leaves.
Ah, the choices I'm given. The Choices! Now it's back to 'come inside' or 'come on breasts'. That's it. 'Run screaming in other direction' isn't even in the cards. pfft.
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I'm getting tired of all the 'choices' that consist of nothing but a 'continue' button to click. shesh.
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For a guy who spent time parachuting around Europe during the war, 'you' sure have a lot of height/vertigo issues.
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Well, first mistake I've noticed. For some reason the author acidentally used 'Vandergraaf as Valentina D'Abruzzo's last name at 23% into the story. *shrugs*
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Bloody hell, this became a romance in the end. heh.
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This was actually rather entertaining. Well written but for that one mistaken name.
Rating: 3.75
May 31 2017
ETA: I did notice how the book seemed to develop - the mystery answer but chose not to comment on it (view spoiler)
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